My miscarriage...I need to say how I feel

You know I never really talk about this but I have been thinking about this lately.

2 years ago in April two days after my birthday I had went to the doctor due to leg pains, but come to find out I was pregnant. When the doctor determined that I was, I was in shocked and at the same time I wanted to take a test to see the result and yup I was expecting.....I was by myself and I was happy and completely in shocked! In the meantime the husband didn't know yet until he had a chance to call me and when he did, I was parked in the parking lot at the doctor office still...I told him and he was shocked and happy! After awhile I left the doctor office and stop at my aunt house to visit and tell her the good news she was thrilled, and than out of nowhere I had blood coming out and I was in a lot of pain....I left her house, and stop at an obg/yn by my home and try to make an appointment and (I will never forget this) I told the receptionist and she said oh dear you need to go the hospital. From there I left that office and went home and called the hubby right away and within 30 minutes he was there. You know during the drive to the hospital I would hold his hand tight and pray that nothing was wrong, we checked in and went from seeing doctors after doctors and exams after exams....in came out at the end that I lost our child!

It may have been two years but I still blame myself for losing our child, and when we found out I was expecting we were beyond thrilled but in the matter of hours it from us being happy to crying because of the sad news.

To our child,

I may not have been that far long, we didn't know if you where a girl or a boy, but that day We found out I knew we would be ready for you when we would welcome you into the world. But that day my world had change completely and I knew god did this for a reason, and when we are ready it will happen and we will be amazing parents to a little girl or a little boy!!

Beside all that going on all on the same day....you know that saying what breaks you only makes you stronger....well this saying is true for my husband and I, it may us stronger and love each other more each day!!

Lauren